so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
