My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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