Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
