dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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