You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
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I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
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Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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