DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
