I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
