i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I checked into jail on foursquare
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
