yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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