just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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