i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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