If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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