I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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