Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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