Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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