Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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