Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
don't judge my taste in strippers
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
