Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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