We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
