sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Randomize
