her vagine was all disorganized.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
