Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
