you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
