A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
