direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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