I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
