hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
