She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
