i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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