Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
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she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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