I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
