I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
