If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
