saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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