maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
