I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
