This is not my ceiling
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
