I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
My pussy is not your playground.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
