the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
