Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
