jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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