He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
