She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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