i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
