you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
