i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
