They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
