I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
wow bdsm is so cute
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