i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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