She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
