it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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