I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
my being single is dangerous.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
