I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
