Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
