Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
