I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
