Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
