Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
