So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
