you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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