your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
