my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
