You're my little dorito
I cockslap morals
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize